Schrödinger's Validation
Last year, my webcomic "Finding Dee" was nominated for a Silver Divisional Reuben Award from the National Cartoonists Society. I didn't WIN, but the overall experience was extremely validating and made me feel like this decades-long journey as a cartoonist was worthwhile.
Heidi and I went to the Reuben Awards in San Diego, hanging out with amazing cartoonists all weekend, and I felt very much like I FINALLY belonged in this world I've felt like an intruder in for most of my life.
THIS year, I submitted my work again for consideration, and as of this writing, I'm still waiting to find out if I’ve been nominated again or not. To put it mildly, I am having a LOT of anxiety over this.
For weeks, my brain has swirled with what it would mean if I GOT nominated, and what it would mean if I didn’t. Would it validate my work or invalidate it? I’ve struggled for a while, wondering if it’s time to move on to a different project or stick with it, and I am putting a decidedly unhealthy amount of weight on what a nomination… or lack thereof… would mean.
So, what I thought I would do, was write up my thoughts on BOTH outcomes from THIS perspective. How would I feel BOTH ways, in a “Sliding Doors” sort of examination of my thoughts and feelings? And, more importantly, can I do so and NOT spiral into my worst, self-defeating thoughts?
Can I find the positive spin on BOTH?
Seems like it might be a positive thought experiment. And since this IS a blog, I figured it might be useful to put it out there for all to see.
I Got Nominated for a Silver Divisional Reuben again!
So, waking up this morning, I was checking my emails and something amazing had happened! I received a nomination for the Silver, Divisional Reuben for my webcomic, Finding Dee!
I have been nervous as all heck in anticipation of this for MONTHS. Honestly, since I submitted my work for consideration, I have been putting so much emphasis on the importance of this, that it’s been making me sick.
Last year had been one of the most validating years of my career as a cartoonist. I had worked on the Syndicated DICK TRACY comic strip professionally. I had set up at the NCS booth in Chicago as an artist, and my work had been nominated by my peers for a fairly big award. For the first time in decades of doing this, I didn’t feel like I was someone who had snuck in the back door just waiting to get caught and kicked out. I felt like a REAL cartoonist.
Now, I didn’t WIN, but the entire process, and the weekend we had in San Diego leading up to the awards rendered that loss fairly negligible to my sense of self-worth. I had spent MONTHS stressing that if I had lost, I would feel like it was all for nothing, but when it happened, that fear simply vanished. The validation of the nomination itself and the kind words of my peers kept me feeling pretty darn great for a while after. It was dang nice, and it took weeks for my impostor syndrome and anxiety to come back to full strength.
This year’s been a mixed bag of successes and missed steps. I’ve gotten to work another show and sell some books thanks to my affiliation with the NCS, which is always awesome. And I also was able to do a guest strip for the nationally syndicated strip, the JUMBLE! And this time, it was Finding Dee that I got to put in hundreds of newspapers for a day.
It was a MASSIVE deal for me, and was amazing to do.
Finding Dee, through my publisher Laguna Studios, is also finally being put up for pre-order on Barnes & Noble and will soon be out in REAL WORLD bookstores for the first time! It’s an amazing feeling, and it continues the journey I feel like finally got some real traction a year ago.
As such, getting this nomination seriously caps off a year of steady growth for me. I feel like the strip has only gotten better, and this nomination feels like the cartooning community agreeing with that assessment.
I know that seeking external validation isn’t always healthy, but it can REALLY feel good. Now comes the waiting to see if I win or not, which will be its OWN unique kind of stress.
No Nomination This Year – And Maybe That’s a Wake-Up Call I Needed
This morning, I opened my email with the kind of hopeful dread that’s been building for weeks. The announcement for the Silver Divisional Reuben nominations came out… and my name wasn’t on the list this time.
No nomination. No recognition from the NCS this year for Finding Dee. And honestly? That stings more than I want to admit.
The truth is, I’ve spent way too much time and energy tying my self-worth as a cartoonist to this one moment. I’ve been holding my breath ever since I submitted my work, hoping that a nod from my peers would prove—to them, but more so to me—that I’m still on the right track. That last year wasn’t a fluke. That I’m still “enough.”
And that’s the problem.
Last year was monumental. Getting to work on Dick Tracy, being nominated, standing among my peers, and finally feeling like I belonged in the room—it was validating in a way I didn’t even realize I’d been starving for. I walked away from that experience with a sense of pride and calm I hadn’t felt in decades. But it also created a dangerous kind of dependency. Because now, without the nomination, I feel like I’m suddenly questioning my own progress, like the absence of recognition somehow erases everything good I’ve done this year.
That’s not a healthy place to be.
And it’s not true.
This year, I got to put Finding Dee in newspapers all across the country through a Jumble guest strip. I got to attend another show with the NCS and sell books to new readers. And the big one: Finding Dee is being distributed in real-world bookstores soon—real bookstores!—thanks to my publisher, Laguna Studios. That’s huge. That’s something younger-me would’ve lost her mind over.
So why does it feel like none of that counts unless someone hands me a trophy?
That’s the trap I’ve fallen into—letting external validation define whether or not I’ve “made it.” And I know better. I do. Recognition is lovely, but it’s fleeting. It doesn’t make the work more or less real. It doesn’t determine whether a strip was worth drawing. It certainly doesn’t decide whether I’m a “real” cartoonist.
I am one. Full stop.
So today, yeah, I’m disappointed. But I’m also trying to use this as a moment to recalibrate. To remember that success—real success—is about more than awards. It’s about growth, about connection, about doing the work even when no one’s watching. It’s about creating something that feels meaningful to me, first and foremost.
No nomination this year. But I’m still here. Still drawing. Still telling stories that matter to me.
That has to be enough. And maybe, one day, I’ll stop needing the gold star to believe it.
So, until that email comes… or doesn’t come… I am in something of an emotional limbo. Waiting on Schrödinger's Validation. I’m twitchy and irritating to be around, and really need to figure out how to think about this stuff in healthier ways.
I don’t know what will happen, and I don’t know how I’ll react to either outcome. But maybe real-world me will be able to look at it the way imaginary blog me can.
After all, one of the reasons I started this comic strip to begin with was to rewrite my real-world reactions to negative experiences regarding coming out as transgender in a hostile world. I hoped that if CARTOON Dee could find humor in the negative side of stuff, that REAL me could as well.
And, to a degree, it’s helped.
Maybe this will, too. We shall see. Fingers crossed. ;)
If this were baking, instead of art, and you didn’t win a prize for your apple pie at the county fair, would you think your pie was no good or that you couldn’t bake? Not to belittle the prize, but it’s ONE indication out of thousands. You can’t let your self-image hang on it.
I know I am not technically an award but I love your ‘Finding Dee’ strip! Good luck with whatever happens and, if I am honest, I actually think you writing for if you didn’t win the award actually sounded more positive and such a healthy mindset!